While QB was mentally preparing herself for her date, Micro and Cowgirl were coming to grips with the possibility that QB could fall in love with Mr. Date, get married, and leave them behind at the red house. We began envisioning our lives without QB: sitting in rocking chairs on our front porch, eating bon bons, and discussing the digestive habits of our six cats.
Needless to say, we were at an all-time low.
And then...we began to panic.
"What if he's a creep???"
Micro and Cowgirl whispered to each other.
"What if he kidnaps her and takes her to...Bakersfield?!"
"He could be 50 years old and we don't even know it!!!"
"What if he doesn't like
Smallville?!"
Thoughts were running wild in our heads, and we had to do something about it. We couldn't just sit at home and drift into the deep
deep despair that
we were single QB could leave us forever.
We only had one option:
We must spy on them.
But how would they not notice us? We needed to be something as inconspicuous as a fly on the wall. But that wouldn't do because flies are much too small. It was either old ladies, chubaka, or men.
"That's it, we will sacrifice our
beauty time and energy for the greater good of our roommate's safety and peace of life. We must be men."
We couldn't risk getting caught, because if Mr. Date was cool, we would ruin all of QB's chances of finding true love. We couldn't have him thinking that we were weirdos who had no life.
So we made a trip to our brothers' Bat Cave, and the charades began.
After a small
meltdown bout of feeling ugly, manly, unattractive, worthless, fat, hairy, and insecure, we confidently strutted out into the busy nightlife like the young and prideful Zac Efron and Tom Welling.
Attention: Please be prepared for what you are about to see. We are very convincing hideous men. When we put our minds to something we take it verrrrrry seriously. This is no laughing matter.
Cowgirl as a homeschooled, sprouting (ewww bad choice of word) youth.
Micro as a fat bro with a big ego.
It doesn't get much sketchier.
Side note: Guys have the most comfortable clothes. It's really not fair.
As we were walking downtown, we decided that talking to strangers was a bad idea. If we smiled, we would give our true
feminine beautiful, lovely selves away. So we decided to do a "walk by." It's kind of like a drive-by, except no guns or lifted Cadillacs.
As we walked by the coffee shop, we saw the two lovebirds sitting outside...at different tables??? They were sitting at least four feet away from each other.
We both took a long
sighhhhhh of relief.
We continued to stroll down the street whilst staring at the not so lovebirdy couple.
"Oh no! Did he see us?" Micro.
"Just keep walking, remember the man walk the boys taught us! Oh my gosh! Hunch over more, you're looking a little busty!" Cowgirl.
"Friggin' boobs!" Micro.
We briskly walked as fast as a man could walk (we all know they can't walk
that fast).
Luckily, we managed to nonchalantly stroll away from the intent glare of Mr. Date.
The night concluded with us racing home before the clock struck midnight, and we turned back into
exceptionally graceful feminines to greet the homecoming of the awkward pair.
We'd like to end this story with just one redeeming photo of our stunning femininity. Just so you don't walk away with the kind of taste in your mouth that you get when you see the butt hole of a dog open as it craps. Excuse our rudeness, we just got done being men.
"Aren't we convincing?"
